Would You Believe....?

Well, just a little more pain and suffering from Delta. The plane left an hour late from Steamboat, so we had to do an OJ through the airport to catch the second flight. (No, we didn't kill anyone, we just had to run like the wind.) And I had a little scene with Omar the flight attendant, but since my name is not in the newspaper today I am not EVEN going there. Let's just say a letter to Delta management is being drafted. We enjoyed a lovely Vietnamese dinner in Pensacola on arrival, then had an uneventful drive home. The kids were dead on their feet so I told them to get straight in bed.

Then Lucas drops the bomb: neither gerbil is in the cage. F***!!!!!!! (Quick, give me a Thin Mint!) Then I notice that there is debris all over the floor....all over the house....they've run under every piece of furniture and trailed dust bunnies everywhere, along with other, uh, stuff. They're singing that great Johnny Cash song, "I Been Everywhere."

"I've been to Drew's room, Lucas's closet, your pantry, the kitchen, your closet, the laundry room, oh, I BEEN EVERYWHERE, MAN!" (It's an awesome song if you don't know it - used now in a rental car commercial I believe.)

Our heads are spinning Exorcist-style - it's 10:30 PM on Sunday - how can this be happening? We do a methodical sweep through the house. Drew's room is quickly searched, vacuumed, and doors are shut - good night! Scream if something crawls up next to you on the pillow, sweetie. Lucas's room is next, but while he brushes his teeth I hear sobbing. He's spotted a large pile of debris behind the toilet and apparently thinks it's a carcass of his beloved pet. Turns out they dragged a red crayon in there to hold hostage, and since no ransom was forthcoming they devoured it....which explains the red poo....which is very helpful when vacuuming on dark carpets...but I digress.

After an hour of searching, Dean the gerbil-whisperer finds both of them and miraculously doesn't kill them on sight. They (heretofore known as Criss Angel & David Blaine) are deposited back into their cage, and everyone has a peaceful sleep...after Cloroxing & vacuuming.

I'm mostly pissed because they jumped in the laundry basket with 4 yards of clearance fabric that I was planning to use for thermal tops and chewed their way to oblivion - gerbil bastards! Now to whom can I write a letter....?