Weekend At-traction - Get It?

Beautiful weather this weekend - warm enough to lay out in the sun and get a little pale (I don't tan, I just go from deathly white to pale to burned in about 20 minutes). Of course, I now have to do "home traction" twice a day for 20 minutes, in addition to rage-inducing steroids and a sleep-inducing antidepressant which works for neuropathy, so I'm like an angry drunk much of the day - woohoo! We had a great dinner Friday night, followed by some traction. See how my neck is stretching out - can't you feel that disc slipping back in place?


And Saturday it was great to sit outside and wave at passing boaters since the weather was so nice. (No no, I'm not caught in a gill net...keep moving, you're creating a traffic jam...please put your cameras away...)

We had a delicious dinner Dean cooked Saturday night before going to a little neighborhood party. Luckily they had dimmed the lighting for the band, so I don't think anybody noticed the marks on my neck from the traction.

So anyway, I was going to show you the patterns I picked for the Betzina retreat but the Vogue site is being temperamental, so I'll try again later. Hope everybody else's weekend was as great as ours!

Am I Drooling Yet?

Well the aching neck and numb hands/feet continue, and the MRI showed.....a protruding disc compressing the spinal cord - tada! So Dean advises me not to wear white pants in case of sudden loss of bladder or bowel control which can come from spinal compression. (See, I KNEW uncontrollable flatulence was around the corner!) He's referring to this video clip posted by friends on Facebook - this does have 2 foul words at the end (even in German I understand sh*t and f***). Mother, you may want to pass on this, but Scott and Tracey, you'll want to see it. Really just so embarrassing for the poor reporter.

Anyway, I'm wondering if they DO have to do surgery to remove the disc, would they charge extra to split it in two and do some implants for me? You know, like fattening your lip up with fat from your hip. I see real possibilities here...making lemonade out of lemons, you know...not really melons by any means...exactly how big is a disc?

And here's a SNL clip for my brother - just a short commercial.

I'm Just a Spaz

I was trying to find the clip from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where Jack Nicholson shuffles in drooling to the group meeting after having his first shock therapy, then smiles and tells everybody he's just joking - that would've been a great intro today, "ya' mental deficients!" (I couldn't find the quote on the web and that's all I remember.)

So it's a muscle spasm in my neck, and the tingly fingers are leftover from sleeping with my arms over my head and stretching out those nerves. Have you ever gone to sleep like that, and when you wake up your arms are just dead - you can only fling them around by the shoulder and they're totally numb? It's kind of fun, but apparently leaves a little nerve damage after a while. Just for completeness, I'm having an MRI in a couple of weeks to be sure there's no impending paralysis, drooling, or uncontrollable flatulence. (But if it's normal, how do you explain the flatulence, doctor?)

A Pain in the Neck

Oh people, I've had what I'd call a crick in my neck for several weeks, coming and going, but for the past 2 weeks it's been my constant companion. But here's the ticky part: it was really bad while we were skiing, to the point I had to work with the pillow to get any sleep, and Sunday both hands and the bottoms of my feet went numb. The hand numbness has stayed - just kind of a tingly asleep-feeling, but still....is it a tumor? (It's not a tumah! I can italicize but I can't give it an Austrian accent.)

Dean's differential diagnosis includes a disc problem and something called "spinal stenosis." Ooh, that sounds progressive and debilitating. I'm picturing eventually dragging my leg behind me as I limp around drooling. (The bells! The bells! - with a French accent.) Will I eventually have to type this blog with my feet...if they even have any feeling in them? Can uncontrollable flatulence be far behind? (It never really IS far behind, is it?)

I've started ibuprofen to help any inflammation, but what if surgery is down the road? Will I have a scar on the back of my neck? Hey, I can tell the kids I'm not really their mother - they've seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers and would totally believe it. Maybe we should watch The Stepford Wives to really set it up! (I thought we were friends....I thought we were friends...) Oh, even better - "Boys, Mommy got a brain transplant - no more Mad Cow!"

Well, the neurology appointment's tomorrow afternoon - I'll see which angle we'll take then. Meanwhile, I better get started on that shirt I was going to make - you never know when you'll lose the use of your arms...thank goodness I've got one-touch sewing - I can run it with my feet! (The seams may be a little crooked...)