Shhh - Did You Hear That?

MoooooOOOOOOO! The cow came to help me today, and it was MAD! I've been shocked and amazed that during the 3 months of constructing this dress, nothing major has gone wrong. I haven't cut through the fabric when trimming painted sections, and I haven't sewn an entire section together the wrong way like I did my AC shirt. Until today....but it was minor, thank goodness. Somehow, I didn't quite figure out front and back before I stitched the shoulder seams together. I mean, I THOUGHT I had front and back right, until I held the dress up. DOH - I sewed the right front shoulder to the left front shoulder, and same for the back. (Lost about 30 minutes doing that and fixing it - not a big deal...and I thought about leaving it to make a Halter dress - ha!)


I also have enjoyed beading the neck binding, to my surprise. It's a lot easier than I thought, kind of mindless work. Oops - beaded the wrong side apparently. I'll leave it for posterity, just like that other one at the bottom of the dress.


Oh, and I'll get back to the armholes, but I wanted to show you what I had in mind for the shoe. There aren't any strappy gunmetal gray shoes I like in Mobile, and this one at DSW wasn't available in my size, so I found a similar one at Zappo's.


That will arrive tomorrow, so hopefully the photo shoot will be posted by Tuesday, God willing and the creek don't rise!

Another Mad Cow Moment

No, this isn't it. This is a mask my sister sent me, and it scared Lucas but not the dog, surprisingly. It comes with a serum that you rub in after you wear this cloth for 15 minutes, and boy my skin was soft after that! Here's a link to Perfectly Posh if you're in need of a facial.

No, my Mad Cow moment was before this mask. Lucas and I ran some errands last night and popped in Walgreen's for a gallon of milk on the way home. The clerk really wanted me to have a rewards card, so we got carried away setting that up, and Lucas was looking at toys while I paid. We came home and had a lovely evening for an hour and a half, then I realized I hadn't brought the milk in the house. I went to check the car, then I realized I didn't remember carrying it out of the store. Lucas said he didn't carry it out either so I called the store, and sure enough, I left it sitting there on the counter. (Now to be fair, Walgreen's puts your bagged items on a lower counter that can easily be overlooked when you're paying. I really think they should raise that counter for people like me.)

They were kind enough to put it back in the cooler for me till I came to get it, and they didn't even make mooing noises as I was leaving!

The Angry Cow Comes for Dinner

Dean's gone to a meeting in Cincinnati for a week, so I'm the chef now - run and hide! I put some leftovers in the oven to reheat, then realized it was time to get them out. I got the hotpad (oven mitt?) in my hand...and bent down to open the sink cabinet. I'm staring at pipes and cleaners thinking, "what did I come down here for?" I stood up and remembered I had the hotpad in my hand, so I looked around a minute remembering that there was something on the other side of the kitchen I needed to do with it. Checked the counter, checked the stove, THEN remembered I meant to get the leftovers out of the oven.

I told Dean about it on the phone. He said, "Did you start banging on the sink saying, 'Why isn't this thing getting hot?'" He's going to be so entertaining when I'm institutionalized!

The very slow slippage of the mind is a fascinating thing to undergo. I did at least realize I should turn on the oven light to remind myself that something was in there. Now to find some Sudoku puzzles...

Mad Cow Strikes Again

I picked up a prescription at the drug store Friday afternoon, brought it home, and dropped the packet of pills into my overnight bag because I was heading to the beach Saturday. It also comes with a little pill holder thing that has the refill sticker on it, so I put that in my bathroom drawer. Then it was time to sew!

The next morning, I took my shower and went to take my pill, but there was only the holder, and no pills. I searched the entire drawer, went through the garbage in case I threw it away with the bag, searched the drawer again, and walked around the house a little bit. Then I called the drugstore, which was thankfully not open, and left a message about how when I opened the bag I found the pill holder, but no packet of pills, so I would need a refill.

I collected my things and went to put something in my overnight bag, whereupon I found said pills - DOH! (Yes, I called the drugstore back and said my Alzheimer's was acting up, very sorry, etc.) I guess it's not as bad as driving to New Orleans for a meeting a week early.

Anyhoo, here's the final product, which I wore to the party Saturday night. I was worried the shirt was just a smidge short (or the leggings just a smidge tight), but Dean gave it an enthusiastic thumbs up - unsolicited! - so I pressed on.

Hooray for Target having a rack of capri leggings right inside the front door. And a clearance rack of yoga capris next to that - got a pair for Pure Barre for $7 - whoop!

And on a side note, the decor for the party was outstanding (but the band sucked - picture the Benny Goodman band with 2 members - he was nice in his day, but this is 2012, right?). Every table had a 1.5-foot tall glass vase like a martini glass with glass rocks in the bottom, electric candle submerged in water, leafy green vegetation on top, and the big surprise was a betta in every one that they gave away at the end!

His name is Swimmy, and Lucas has already outfitted his new home on his dresser (this is not it). Nice party favor!

Momentary Mad Cow...Or Is It?

Yesterday I took Lucas to karate at the YMCA. I sat in the car checking emails for a few minutes then went in and walked on a treadmill for 32 minutes. I said I WALKED ON A TREADMILL for 32 minutes! I did not drop him off then run up to the fabric store to peruse the clearance fabrics. I'm trying to turn the leaf back over (it's not a new leaf) of exercising there like I was doing religiously before the skiing trip.

Anyway, after karate we walked into the parking lot...and my car was gone. There were 2 empty spaces in the shade where I parked, and a row of white cars, but none were mine. My mouth dropped open. How could this happen? (Especially since one of those white cars was an unmarked police car.) I stopped and thought this really can't be happening, the car has an alarm on it - somebody would've done something. Then I thought, my wallet is in the car (in a safe place hidden from sight!). Then I thought maybe Dean came and switched cars with me for some reason. I looked around for his car.

I finally pulled my phone out to call Dean and see what was going on, when I thought, hey, let's look around the parking lot. Sure enough, my car was one row over, facing the same direction, in the shade. DOH!

Well, I got a glimpse of my future today when I visited a friend of my mother's. She has Alzheimer's but has known about it for a long time and is well aware of what's going on. She sent me 2 cards in the mail over the past 3 weeks, but when I walked in today she didn't know who I was. I said, "I'm Lynn - Sherry's daughter." Maybe a little flicker of recognition, then we started talking about my kids and she seemed to remember me. When I asked how she was doing, she said, "Well, I don't know what's going on, but otherwise I'm fine. I can sit here and talk to you like this fine but when you leave I'll forget you were here in 5 minutes." She's told many people that if they ever need to confide in someone about sensitive subjects to call her because she'll counsel and pray with them, then forget the whole conversation. (Good to know your sense of humor remains intact with Alzheimer's!)

I'll share with you the 2 main things on my mind today - 1) would I rather have Alzheimer's or cancer, and 2) if I'm in a wreck today who will pick up the kids, since my mom and Dean are both out of town. Now I'm vaklempt, so discuss amongst ya-selves...

What I Was Trying To Say....

It has come to my attention that the previous post made very little sense to some readers and even suggested that the Mad Cow may have taken over completely. It was simply an homage (a reference to, an allusion if you will, and I do believe I spelled that correctly for this use) to several children's books by Laura Numeroff which were quite popular at my house. It WAS indeed a stretch to think that "If you give a club a sailboat" would remind anyone of those books, but, in fact, I had my children read the post and they "got it" after the first sentence.

At least my sister-in-law got it - well done, Elizabeth!

Oops!

See, I NEED a brain transplant - that doctor's appointment is tomorrow, not today. That was a hair appointment I had this afternoon. Highlight and trim...nerve conduction studies...same difference, really. Maybe the chemicals on my head are the problem, but I'm originally blonde anyway. It's a congenital defect in my case.

I did at least get my Burda shirt pattern cut out and tissue-fitted, but now I've got to read the reviews again - seems there was something no one liked about the facings. I think Deepika (the sewing website guru) said, "nothing says homemade like facings."

And if I'm going to be limping around drooling I CERTAINLY don't want my clothes to look homemade!

Mad Cow and a Bag of Ice

Drew went on a campout Friday evening and was the Grubmaster, so he had a cooler full of food and I bought 2 bags of ice to put on it. Only 1 would fit, so I took the other bag to the meeting spot to see if anybody else needed it. Nobody else did, so I put it in the back of my SUV to take home and put in the freezer.

Sunday we have a very lazy day - I never left the house all weekend because the weather was yucky and I was enjoying my pajamas - but we decide to go to Target before we go pick Drew up. We get in my car and Dean exclaims, "Your car STINKS! What's in here?" Lucas echoes the sentiment. It's sort of a musty mildewy smell, and we get out to look in the back. Dean pulls out 2 empty plastic ice bags and looks perplexed. I slowly realize that I never took that 2nd bag out of my car, and it has now melted into the rear carpet. Sure enough, we pull out the piece of flooring that covers the spare tire, and it's dripping wet - soaked through. And it's been sitting in a nice warm garage all weekend, though luckily the highest temperature was in the 70's.

If you see me this week, you'll know why the kids and I are wearing coats with all the car windows down. And please forgive me if I smell like mildew.

I'm also reminded of Christmas Vacation where the gutter-ice breaks through the neighbors' window and destroys their room without a trace. And wasn't there an Edgar Allen Poe book with a similar plot?

The Cruel Shorts

Remember Steve Martin's short story The Cruel Shoes? I relived that recently with these shorts (minus the razor blades and bloody feet). I was trying to adjust the zipper length by cutting off the top. I read that you could do that then oversew the teeth to create a new zipper stop. I've never done that before, so I wanted to take it slow and only do one side. Unfortunately, I cut one side of the zipper then proceeded to put the shorts on to see how they were looking. (It's like I had a Mad Cow moment - I'm lucky I didn't wander out to the mailbox half-dressed.) I sort of forgot to sew the new zipper stop before I just zipped that zipper up. So what happens here is that the zipper pull is only on one track now, can you picture that? And that means you can't UNZIP the shorts, which means you can't GET OUT of the shorts, are you following me here?

So for the next 30 minutes or so, I'm sitting in my chair trying to thread the damn zipper pull back onto the teeth. (This may explain the early appearance of an old-lady hump on my upper back, that 30 minutes hunched over a broken zipper that I'm wearing.) I got it once but the teeth weren't matched evenly, so when I unzipped there was a big gap of teeth sticking out at the bottom. So I worked for another few minutes, talking to God VERY LOUDLY, and finally got the thing threaded back on correctly. Can you imagine how hard it is to evenly match the teeth? I'd like you to cut off one side of an old zipper and see if you can unzip yourself with zipper intact. I really think the only way to do this is to let God know VERY LOUDLY what you need to happen.

At any rate, I was thoroughly put out with these shorts after that stunt, so I finished them as quickly as possible and refused to sew on the belt loops and nice button closure that were called for. They're baggy shorts that aren't supposed to fit like that, and they don't deserve a nice finish. They got a stupid old hook and eye closure. That'll show them who's the boss...try and trap ME again, I don't THINK so!

The Mad Cow Strikes Again

Don't you hate when you plan for several days to go see a high school play with your kids, plan your whole day around showtime (even iron pants, which you NEVER do!), wonder why the parking lot is so empty (maybe because it's a matinee), then have somebody tell you it's NEXT Saturday? I sure hate it. The boys sure hate it. But you know, I'm not the only one with the Mad Cow. Drew must have a touch of it, because he started telling me we had to buy tickets last week, and he even checked showtimes for me on the school's website. So I'm not in this one alone.

Want to hear about my worst attack of Mad Cow? Prepare to be amazed:

A big meeting in New Orleans was coming up - I'd already reserved the hotel room and cancelled work for the week, plus made arrangements for my mom to get the kids to and from school while Dean was working. I talked to somebody actually giving a talk at the meeting and mentioned that it was coming up, and he said he needed to check with his secretary because he thought it was a ways off - he'd better get on the ball, huh!

That Sunday I kissed the family and drove to NOLA only to encounter tons of traffic from Mardi Gras parades - I mean I could hardly get to the hotel! Who was the idiot who scheduled the biggest meeting of all during Mardi Gras??? I finally get there after calling them and asking for suggestions, then have a heck of a time finding parking. I drag my rolling suitcase to the front desk and try to check in.

"We don't have you in the system."
"WHAT??"
"Did you have a reservation?"
"Of course! I'm with the big meeting."
"Uh....(very embarrassed)...ma'am, the big meeting is NEXT week."
"Oh....uh....see you next week I guess."

Then back to the car for the big breakdown. No, I take that back, I didn't cry until I got out of the damn Mardi Gras traffic - no need to bring all those drunk revelers down! I had a 2-hour drive back home to think about which nursing home I was going to move into...that is if someone didn't commit me to a psych hospital first. Can you imagine the phone calls I had to make? Now my mom has to rearrange the following week's schedule and I have to cancel another week's work, plus scare up some work for THIS week. Now how did I make the hotel arrangements for the correct week then write everything down wrong after that? That's Mad Cow for ya'.

I don't know if that was worse than my Orlando meeting - I can't remember which one happened first. With that one, I made my hotel reservation and a secretary made the flight reservation. (Can you see what's going to happen here?) Yes, I arrived in Orlando at 11 PM only to find that I booked my hotel room a day later. I had to walk around the corner to a Motel 6 to spend the night, again dragging a suitcase. Did I mention it was 11 PM?

I think I could go on about other trips (yes, there was a ski trip where we discovered I booked the wrong return date when we tried to fly home - oops!), but I think you pity me enough now as it is. So if you're ever planning a trip with me, I think you know who's going with us....and remember, that cow is MAD!

What did I Come in Here For?

Well, I had something funny I wanted to say this morning, and I told Scott about it on the phone, and damned if I can remember what it was now. It was something to do with Drew.....oh! I think it was the Dirty Santa party the youth group did last night (I want you to know I sat here for 4 minutes before I remembered that). As soon as he heard it was Dirty Santa he said he wanted to go - didn't ask who was going, anybody he knew, where it was, nothing. So we pull up to the house and his friend Dillon's dad is standing in the door, so I think it'll be cool. Drew walks right on in and doesn't even say bye.

Two hours later I go pick him up and ask him what he ended up with, and he says, "a cheap yo-yo." So of course I give him a lecture about how he was privileged to go and he should be thankful for anything, etc., etc. I ask him if he had fun and he says yes. I say who did you know there, and he says, "nobody but Dillon's sister" (Dillon was sick) and a precious neighbor boy who shot at 2 of our windows a couple of years ago and used to throw rocks at the boys....and who also mooned them one time. So I'm thinking Drew's more of an optimist than I gave him credit for if he thought that was a fun party!

He shows us the yo-yo when we get home, and sure enough, it weighs less than an ounce and says "I'm drug free" on the side. I think the church got a bunch of free stuff to wrap up as gifts, then requested that the kids bring a $10 donation to a charity instead of real gifts. I've got to call scam on that. At least let the kids pick out the cheap gifts to give each other! His other choice besides the yo-yo was an address book - he pointed out that he doesn't really need to record anybody's anniversary date at this age. I'm inclined to agree.

Back From NYC

I'm back! I had a weekend trip to NYC (New York CITY!!!!!) for work, and all I have to say is do not EVER stay at the Hyatt at Grand Central. Unless you bring your irritable crying babies. Or a very loud Ipod. Those walls are paper thin.....and by paper I mean toilet paper. On one side was a nice couple (and by nice I mean I couldn't hear them talking much) with a kid who screamed needlessly at any time for any reason. On the other side was a Hispanic family (although Saturday night they seemed to be speaking French) who were rather loud and sick. The poor lady coughed all night. I started to shove some Sucrets (who remembers Sucrets???) under the adjoining door, but I didn't have any Sucrets. Yes - both rooms on either side of me were adjoining. When I went to bed (and by went to bed I mean lay under the covers to listen to them instead of sitting and listening to them) I could even see the nice people's light under the door! That's the only time I've ever excused myself after farting in a hotel room alone.

(Oh, see what I did there? I made up a funny joke that would embarrass normal people, but I don't ever have gas or fart, so I can say that and not be embarrassed, because everybody KNOWS it's not true.)

The other funny thing was that I fell down in the lobby Friday night on the way up to my room after dinner. Now that was really funny, but don't tell Dean or he won't let me out of the house without an aide! I was coming down 4 little marble steps to the bank of elevators in the huge grand lobby, and somehow my left foot went into space instead of that last step, and I found myself falling gracefully to land on both knees just as pretty as you please. It must've looked like I meant to do it - there was no flailing or gasping, although there's no telling what my face was doing. Two British ladies were getting off the closest elevator and one of them said, "Are you alright there?" while turning to come to my aid. But my expression must've been so peaceful and I said, "Yes, I just missed that step completely," and somehow rose back to my feet without using my hands, so she quickly diverted back to where she was headed. (That or she thought I was dangerous.)

Anyway, I don't think I'll travel alone to big cities too much more by myself. Between the clutziness and the Mad Cow I'm a danger to myself and others. And if I ever do go back with an aide, we sho' won't be stayin' at the Hyatt!