Monday, April 27, 2009

Flirty Girl is BACK!

Update - a 2nd installment of Flirty Girl fitness props came in the mail. This time it was 2 pink rubber balls filled with sand - 2.5 lbs. each I guess. (Much too large to sit comfortably in my bra, sadly.) One CD was more chair dance toning, but the other was upper body workout. (Ohhhh - THAT's what the pink balls are for!) So I gave it a spin last night - only for about 10 minutes, mind you. I did some biceps/triceps curls and something where you bend sideways and PULL yourself back up. Didn't feel too much at the time, but REVELATION - my WAIST is sore tonight!

Now has your WAIST ever been sore? Mine has not, and I did Pilates for a while several years ago. Picture twisting to look around, or just bending over a little bit, and it absolutely bites on your side right above your hipbone. HOORAY! Now I can believe those testimonials that women lost pounds and inches - if this happened after a mere 10 minutes, imagine what 30 minutes a day for a month could accomplish!

And I do mean imagine, because you know how consistent I was with the treadmill, right?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Old Ladies Doing Yoga - Watch Out Now!

This was going to be a response to Lisa's comment below, but it was too long so now it's a post. I took a yoga class a few years ago at the Senior Center near my office and I was the youngest of about 10 women. They had various complaints - knee problems, obesity, back issues, and the instructor was in her 60's and took it VERY EASY. That was my first yoga class so I thought, "how relaxing!" It was all about the breathing and moving extremely slowly. How peaceful! Then one day a substitute came in who was MY age and ramped things up a bit. (By "a bit," I mean we supported our shoulders with blankets and had our lower backs and legs up on the wall.) You should've heard the complaints: I can't do that with my back! That hurts my knee! This isn't how Ethel (not her real name) does it! Then somebody farted. Yep, push old ladies and they're gonna fart. I'm not blaming - I fully understand it comes with age, so my time is coming. I just hope you're not in yoga class with me when it does.

Oh, and imagine my horror when I show up one day and the news channel is there to do a special on exercise and the elderly!

Monday, April 6, 2009


Get the Tums, people, it's the 1st annual swimsuit edition! Better get some Imodium too, just to be safe. I've gone through various swimsuit styles before finally deciding I don't give a rat's ass who sees my stretch marks and what I euphemistically refer to as my muffin-top. (Bagel's more like it.) If Jamie Lee Curtis can be in her underwear without airbrushing, why can't I be in my bathing suit? (Shut up, Scott, I wasn't talking to you!)

This pink one piece is about 15 years old and this is my tribute to Demi. There's another shot where my gut looks about 30 weeks gestation, but I just couldn't bear to post it.

Now I know I'm all sucked into stuff like FlirtyGirlFitness and losing inches with MUFA's in the diet, but truly, yoga taught me an important point about posture. Ya gotta have it. That's the fastest way I can lose 10 pounds and several inches, as well as enhance the bustline. The padding can only do so much if you don't lift it skyward! (What was that? The padding ain't doin' much anyway?)

Dean has also helped me evolve by pointing out that "the skirt" does nothing but make you look like a grandma and call attention to something you're trying to hide. Now I do think that grandmas should wear a skirt - there may be children around, for Heaven's sake, and definitely sons-in-law, but a woman of 41 just isn't there yet. So I went for a tankini, which Dean referred to as a skirt around the top instead of the bottom. And you know what, he's right! I'm proud of my lower rib cage above the belly button - who cares if the rest looks like a sack of potatoes strung around my waist? I hope that by adding bling and hair and accessories, people may not fixate on how many stretch marks there are, and how when you sit down your muffin top oozes over into your lap like a little purring kitty-cat, and....oh, is that too much information? (It only purrs after I've eaten beans!) (Oh no, there I went embarrassing my mother again - how could I?)

At any rate, I bravely purchased 2 BIKINIS, which I will bravely wear this summer. No, I have not gone out into public like this yet. (Unless you consider everyone with internet access the public.) But I will attempt to do so without self-consciousness, though always being careful to wear big earrings and never getting my hair wet, lest I look like a big white pear in a swath of blue material and padding. And I will attempt to keep my gut sucked in, though without any muscle tone that only succeeds in making my top half look Ethiopian. Whatever. If men can walk around shirtless with their guts hanging out, why can't women? I say let's go for it....