Lynnstradamus

Please scroll back to "American Idolicious" - did I not predict Adam and Kris in the finals? Why were all the judges so taken aback at the announcement? They looked like they took a gut-punch when Danny got booted! I mean I can see that the guy's a little versatile, but he's also a little cocky if you ask me. Nothing approaching Anoop, but no hint of humbleness at all. So woo-hoo Kris! Momma loves you! You and Adam are both winners, oh wait, I hear retching...that'll be all.

Thoughts on Adam

I love Adam. He needs to join the family as one of my sons - it's that kind of love, not "boys, meet your new daddy" love. He seems terribly vulnerable and fragile - every time they compliment him he mouths "thank you." So humble. But I really wish he would stick with the ballads like Mad World - that was the best. The Led Zeppelin song (forgot the name - Alzheimer's acting up again) was lovely vocally (no, lovely is not really the word for that), but I don't like to see my boy looking so rough with the eyeliner and tough clothes. I think he could get in with the wrong crowd. Ever see Less Than Zero? I want Adam to avoid those types of friends.

And one more thing...the public who feel it necessary to comment on his gay-ness or non-gay-ness should just shut the hell up. You can't watch his you-tube videos without nasty comments all over the screen, and whose business is it? I'm just so proud of him and his very normal-looking parents who support him - it brings a tear to my eye. That's all - didn't mean to sound like my grandmother there but I had to get it off my chest.

Flirty Girl is BACK!

Update - a 2nd installment of Flirty Girl fitness props came in the mail. This time it was 2 pink rubber balls filled with sand - 2.5 lbs. each I guess. (Much too large to sit comfortably in my bra, sadly.) One CD was more chair dance toning, but the other was upper body workout. (Ohhhh - THAT's what the pink balls are for!) So I gave it a spin last night - only for about 10 minutes, mind you. I did some biceps/triceps curls and something where you bend sideways and PULL yourself back up. Didn't feel too much at the time, but REVELATION - my WAIST is sore tonight!

Now has your WAIST ever been sore? Mine has not, and I did Pilates for a while several years ago. Picture twisting to look around, or just bending over a little bit, and it absolutely bites on your side right above your hipbone. HOORAY! Now I can believe those testimonials that women lost pounds and inches - if this happened after a mere 10 minutes, imagine what 30 minutes a day for a month could accomplish!

And I do mean imagine, because you know how consistent I was with the treadmill, right?

Old Ladies Doing Yoga - Watch Out Now!

This was going to be a response to Lisa's comment below, but it was too long so now it's a post. I took a yoga class a few years ago at the Senior Center near my office and I was the youngest of about 10 women. They had various complaints - knee problems, obesity, back issues, and the instructor was in her 60's and took it VERY EASY. That was my first yoga class so I thought, "how relaxing!" It was all about the breathing and moving extremely slowly. How peaceful! Then one day a substitute came in who was MY age and ramped things up a bit. (By "a bit," I mean we supported our shoulders with blankets and had our lower backs and legs up on the wall.) You should've heard the complaints: I can't do that with my back! That hurts my knee! This isn't how Ethel (not her real name) does it! Then somebody farted. Yep, push old ladies and they're gonna fart. I'm not blaming - I fully understand it comes with age, so my time is coming. I just hope you're not in yoga class with me when it does.

Oh, and imagine my horror when I show up one day and the news channel is there to do a special on exercise and the elderly!

THE SWIMSUIT ISSUE!!!!

Get the Tums, people, it's the 1st annual swimsuit edition! Better get some Imodium too, just to be safe. I've gone through various swimsuit styles before finally deciding I don't give a rat's ass who sees my stretch marks and what I euphemistically refer to as my muffin-top. (Bagel's more like it.) If Jamie Lee Curtis can be in her underwear without airbrushing, why can't I be in my bathing suit? (Shut up, Scott, I wasn't talking to you!)















This pink one piece is about 15 years old and this is my tribute to Demi. There's another shot where my gut looks about 30 weeks gestation, but I just couldn't bear to post it.



























Now I know I'm all sucked into stuff like FlirtyGirlFitness and losing inches with MUFA's in the diet, but truly, yoga taught me an important point about posture. Ya gotta have it. That's the fastest way I can lose 10 pounds and several inches, as well as enhance the bustline. The padding can only do so much if you don't lift it skyward! (What was that? The padding ain't doin' much anyway?)


Dean has also helped me evolve by pointing out that "the skirt" does nothing but make you look like a grandma and call attention to something you're trying to hide. Now I do think that grandmas should wear a skirt - there may be children around, for Heaven's sake, and definitely sons-in-law, but a woman of 41 just isn't there yet. So I went for a tankini, which Dean referred to as a skirt around the top instead of the bottom. And you know what, he's right! I'm proud of my lower rib cage above the belly button - who cares if the rest looks like a sack of potatoes strung around my waist? I hope that by adding bling and hair and accessories, people may not fixate on how many stretch marks there are, and how when you sit down your muffin top oozes over into your lap like a little purring kitty-cat, and....oh, is that too much information? (It only purrs after I've eaten beans!) (Oh no, there I went embarrassing my mother again - how could I?)

At any rate, I bravely purchased 2 BIKINIS, which I will bravely wear this summer. No, I have not gone out into public like this yet. (Unless you consider everyone with internet access the public.) But I will attempt to do so without self-consciousness, though always being careful to wear big earrings and never getting my hair wet, lest I look like a big white pear in a swath of blue material and padding. And I will attempt to keep my gut sucked in, though without any muscle tone that only succeeds in making my top half look Ethiopian. Whatever. If men can walk around shirtless with their guts hanging out, why can't women? I say let's go for it....

American Idolicious!

We are truly American Idol freaks this year. We've been watching off and on for years since Reuben was on stage, but the past 2 years have turned into a family obsession. Michael Johns was my desktop background for many weeks, and I proudly point out that the "judges' save" was instituted after he was eliminated prematurely.

This year Adam may end up as my desktop, though Kris Allen is giving him a run for the money. That kid is so darn cute! Now Adam does need to lose the Elvis/Kurt Russell hairdo, but he has torn up 3 old songs in a row - I've downloaded Ring of Fire (the most bizarre!) and Tracks of My Tears wasn't available yet. I don't think I'll buy Play That Funky Music White Boy, but he totally pulled that off when I thought it would suck.

I've got to admit that I must have writer's block to be blogging about American Idol. What's happening here? I've got a funny idea about a bathing suit blog, but it involves pictures, so I anticipate a bit of a backlash. Let me think about it...

Oh, and P.S. I hypothesize that Paula and Simon are dating - always holding hands and acting stupid - you mark my words!

Flirtatious disappointment

Well, the Flirty Girl disappoints just a bit. The Chair Dance was a very nice routine with a chair. I didn't see how it was "exercise" except when you lie all the way back and then have to hike yourself back up to sitting. And maybe you're working on flexibility when you throw a leg over the chair back. And possibly when you stand up from the chair, leading with the pelvis. And definitely when you lift yourself sideways with your hand on the seat and your legs pointed out to the side - picture a tripod or something - and you sort of walk your feet back and forth while twisting at the hips. Are you gettin' this?

Dean just looked very surprised and dismayed (mostly dismayed) when I demonstrated it after one run-through. My 2 coworkers commented that it didn't really look like a workout, but I certainly was breathing hard afterwards....maybe because the chair at work is a ROLLING chair and nearly took my arms out of the sockets during the tripod maneuver.

And I did most of the Booty Beat video tonight. My conclusion is that these really are strippers trying to make a little extra money, because I can now do a corny version of a sexy striptease, but nothing was really feeling the burn like with Buns of Steel. I think the guy on that video may have been a stripper too; maybe I'll have to break out the legwarmers and go back to him. Ready, Tracey?