Monday, April 6, 2009

THE SWIMSUIT ISSUE!!!!














Get the Tums, people, it's the 1st annual swimsuit edition! Better get some Imodium too, just to be safe. I've gone through various swimsuit styles before finally deciding I don't give a rat's ass who sees my stretch marks and what I euphemistically refer to as my muffin-top. (Bagel's more like it.) If Jamie Lee Curtis can be in her underwear without airbrushing, why can't I be in my bathing suit? (Shut up, Scott, I wasn't talking to you!)















This pink one piece is about 15 years old and this is my tribute to Demi. There's another shot where my gut looks about 30 weeks gestation, but I just couldn't bear to post it.



























Now I know I'm all sucked into stuff like FlirtyGirlFitness and losing inches with MUFA's in the diet, but truly, yoga taught me an important point about posture. Ya gotta have it. That's the fastest way I can lose 10 pounds and several inches, as well as enhance the bustline. The padding can only do so much if you don't lift it skyward! (What was that? The padding ain't doin' much anyway?)


Dean has also helped me evolve by pointing out that "the skirt" does nothing but make you look like a grandma and call attention to something you're trying to hide. Now I do think that grandmas should wear a skirt - there may be children around, for Heaven's sake, and definitely sons-in-law, but a woman of 41 just isn't there yet. So I went for a tankini, which Dean referred to as a skirt around the top instead of the bottom. And you know what, he's right! I'm proud of my lower rib cage above the belly button - who cares if the rest looks like a sack of potatoes strung around my waist? I hope that by adding bling and hair and accessories, people may not fixate on how many stretch marks there are, and how when you sit down your muffin top oozes over into your lap like a little purring kitty-cat, and....oh, is that too much information? (It only purrs after I've eaten beans!) (Oh no, there I went embarrassing my mother again - how could I?)

At any rate, I bravely purchased 2 BIKINIS, which I will bravely wear this summer. No, I have not gone out into public like this yet. (Unless you consider everyone with internet access the public.) But I will attempt to do so without self-consciousness, though always being careful to wear big earrings and never getting my hair wet, lest I look like a big white pear in a swath of blue material and padding. And I will attempt to keep my gut sucked in, though without any muscle tone that only succeeds in making my top half look Ethiopian. Whatever. If men can walk around shirtless with their guts hanging out, why can't women? I say let's go for it....

10 comments:

Junior said...

Wow, well, um I don't know what to say. That's true though...if men can go around showing their bellies why do we have to be so concerned about how we look or what's showing.

Lisaland said...

Are you kidding me????? YOU look great in a bikini! I'm inspired once again by you, Lynn! I think it's the best out of all the suits. Please tell me the brand and where you got it. I love that it covers up but still looks cute. My problem is fat thighs and buttocks. I can't cover that up without a moo-moo so I may as well go for the bikini too!

P.S. I think I might gain weight on the MUFAs. I gone a little overboard on the almonds and dark chocolate chips.

Lisaland said...

OHHHHH...and I was just joking about the swim suit pics. There is no way in hell I'll do that. You'll have to catch me on the beach to get a shot of that.

Amy said...

You go girl!! Show those abs. You look great. I love that the dog was in on the action. Glad that you were including Jake's opinion on the swimsuits (isn't that your dog's name?)

Sister said...

Bastard! I only did this because I thought Lisa was going to post hers! No, my point is that the cellulite on my legs is going lower every year so eventually I'll need a suit like they wore in the 20's that comes below the knees. I finally realized that even the really skinny chicks have cellulite (if you zoom on my pictures you'll see a bit of mine, but I turned the worst leg away from the camera!), so who cares. Also, I agree with the MUFA thing - I ate an avocado sandwich yesterday - that didn't feel really healthy. And the dog messed up some of my pictures - he knocked the camera over when he sniffed the shoebox it was sitting on. But hey, I know how to use my camera timer now!

Sister said...

Oh yeah - it's "Becca" by Rebecca Virtue - Dillards. There's also "Gianni Bini" who made another bottom with a banded waist thingy that you can tuck the belly into, or a couple of Twinkies, whatever; that was the other bikini I got. And this blue one will actually pull down over the hips to make a tight skirt if you like, or you could hike it up to tuck under the top, but that looked awful - I don't think you're supposed to do THAT.

Lisaland said...

OH LYNN...you crack me up! Let me get about 6 more weeks of pilates and MUFA in, and maybe I'll put swimsuit pics up. OR...maybe I should do some now to be my "before" pics. I'm not that hopeful that pilates will make me into a skinny girl though. The teacher is NOT an inspiration, and half of my class is also in the Silver Shoes Yoga class (old folks).

Junior said...

What is MUFA?

Lisaland said...

Check out Prevention.com. Good info on the MUFA diet (not really a diet). It's Monounsaturated fatty acids. Eating these foods is supposed to help you shed belly fat, lower your LDL cholesterol and raise your HDL's. Also supposed to be more satisfying than other foods therefore making you feel full. They happen to be things I like so I'm doing it.

Lisaland said...

Lynn...

I tried on a two piece today. I don't think my thighs are ready for that. I'm thinking I'm a swim dress girl now.