Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wahhh! Wahhh! Wahhh!
This is a muslin. This is only a muslin. This blog is conducting a muslin of the Vogue 8379 Wrap Dress. If this had been an actual dress, you would have been instructed to proceed to your nearest department store where actual fashion is sold. This concludes the muslin of this blog.
It started out so promising. I like the look of the bodice - not showing too much cleavage, uh, I mean ribs.
Oh, I'm a little cocky even - this is my first real collar!
So how did I turn into a portly 60-year-old in the very next picture?
Well, there are the stripes of course. The salesgirl warned me I should run the stripes vertically instead of horizontally when I bought the fabric. Lucas told me I looked pregnant when he took the picture. "Big fat belly," he said, patting it. This picture tells me I am not dress material. I have legs meant for pants.
And I know I'm doing the ties wrong, because one tie goes to the floor. (I could take Jake for a walk and tie this to his collar instead of using a leash.)
So I tried wrapping it all the way around and that actually looks better because I think a belt is needed to hide the front seam - it looks less dumpy that way...now just moderately dumpy instead of extremely dumpy. Man, how can I be so skinny in my head and look so big in this picture? Look at my boobs - I look like my grandmother!
So I know a really big reason is that it's too big. I bought the size 16-22 for some reason, but wanted to cut a 12-14 when I measured myself again. Doh! I thought about buying the right size, but I don't really think this is me, even with cute non-stripe fabric. The dang label says it's for every figure type EXCEPT the triangle, which is a euphemism for pear. And don't even get me started on the length of the skirt. If I hemmed it just above the knees and cut out some of the skirt fullness, things might work out between us, but I'm just not feeling it right now. (Maybe I'll see if my mother wants it, since she already IS a portly 60-year-old.)
OHHHH - now you know I'm just kidding, Mom! A good comedian always ties his last punchline in with his first joke, right? And P.S., if any of you ladies says something nice other than, "Your shorts are really cute in the 2nd and 3rd pics," I'll know you're lying, so let's keep it honest. Negative comments can't hurt me worse than these pictures do.