From the Sunday, June 14, 2009 Mobile Press, authored by Debbie Freeland:
"Patsy Fincher took first place in the Appetizers Cookoff sponsored by the Mobile County Farmers Federation Women's Committee at the Jon Archer Agricultural Center. Her winning dish was special spinach dip. Quanna Driskell took second place with her snowpeas with chicken, and Maxine Wahl won third place with her stuffed bread appetizer."
Now read this out loud, but do a couple of things first:
1. Drop your R's
2. Channel Olympia Dukakis from Steel Magnolias (do NOT imitate Julia Roberts - totally unauthentic)
This should now come out, "Pat-seh Finchuh took fuhst place..." Are you smiling yet?
Now this just put a huge smile on my face because there's a picture of 3 smiling ladies holding trays of food, and I thought couldn't that be me? Wouldn't my grandmother be proud of me for that? That's such a Sylacauga-ish article and I imagine Irene reading it and saying, "Well I declare! Looka-here Sherry Nell at these ladies. I've got to call Mattiebelle (yes, really) and tell her to look at the paper."
My grandmother's friends were all so nice and one of them even sewed a prom dress for me (that would be the dear sweet Mattiebelle, who seemed to be about 6 feet tall somehow). Now they were all nice except for that one who thought she was "Miss Asterbutt" and had to be told to "step to hell!" (I sense that my mother is now picking up the phone to call me and give me a tongue-lashing for this one.)
Their conversations were so funny - which grocery store had their tomatoes on sale and for how much, what they were wearing to the Eastern Star meeting, how was that new catfish restaurant that opened last week. But the absolute best phone call of all: "Hey...I heard they got Mrs. Johnson up at the funeral home. Let's ride up there and see how she looks." If I'm lyin', I'm dyin' (and feel free to come on by). I guess in a small town if you know the undertaker, you can get a backstage pass before the show.
10 comments:
omigosh, I'm rolling on the floor!!! I forgot about Miss Asterbutt!
Post retirement, my daddy has tried his hand at a few different jobs (for curiosity it seems). One was working at Radney-Smith funeral home as a Director (or Director's helper). The stories have been so funny. On one of my visits home, he was "on call" and was summoned. Once he was off the phone, he said, "Sorry, Lammie (my family nick name)...I gotta' go pick up a cold one." He and my mother have been very fixated on the obituaries of late, and I'm not sure if it's work related or if they're checking the listings for friends...but rest assured...if you're ever in there...I will be informed! However, I don't think I'll take the backstage pass!
Oh, my daddy would've been so jealous of your daddy! He always wanted to break into the undertaking business - it was his life's dream, quite seriously. He used to call me after I worked a shift in the morgue (did that for 2 years - had to spend the night - "tag 'em and bag 'em") to find out what stories I had. This was obviously before HIPAA - but does that only apply to live people? Your daddy's a lucky man!
As bad as I hate it I must stand behind everything my "nutty-as-a-fruitcake" Sister has written. I remember being pushed to the front of the line for the viewing of an Eastern Star member I did not know. I was approx. 9-10 and had never seen someone dead, much less someone I didn't know. "She sure does look natural doesn't she?"
Yes, so natural she might just sit up and say, "who the hell are you and what are you gawking at, kid?"
Enjoyed this so much. I think I remember Mattiebelle; she sounds like someone my grandmother (AKA GrandMartha) hung out with and loved.
I'm also wondering if Miss Asterbutt was the same woman GrandMartha would have these little social skirmishes with. For example, one day GrandMartha was at the A & P and decided to buy a 6-pack because she was expecting my Dad soon. She ran into a woman from her church, who had a very narrow (dim) view of alcohol. The two had an exchange similar to George and Newman on Seinfeld:
"oh, hello Martha"
"Well, hello Miss Asterbutt!"
"So...doing some shopping?"
"Why yes, I'm trying a new RECIPE"
"oh, well...see you at CHURCH!"
And of course they kept passing each other on each aisle, and Asterbutt (?) kept staring at the 6-pack. Amy Crawford Minchin
LOL!!! Amy, that's hilarious! Your GrandMartha had some kohones - I don't remember my grandmother buying beer - she made my grandfather do it.
Well, GranMartha didn't believe in letting anyone spoil a good time! Dad told me she would enlist him to stock up when he visited (after my grandfather had passed away, but before we moved to the HomePlace). Not sure where Dad went shopping, but he indicated there were a few awkward questions from people he ran into. Can you imagine caring so much about other people purchasing wine??? geez.
I know what y'all mean about the funeral home thing. And how many times did I hear the following: "We went to Susie Q's viewing...she looked so BAAAAD!". um...And like Jester, I remember multiple people saying someone looked "great," "natural," and the gem: "like nothing ever happened." Amy
and PS:
It's hard enough having one's outfit critiqued when we're still able to offer a rebuttal. Long ago, I told my husband, "no buff-n-stuff for me; just bake-n-shake!".
This makes me think of so many comments and stories that are either too involved to write or would get me disowned for sharing in a public forum... Amy
That buff'n'stuff took me a couple of minutes till I figured it out - ha! We've had many discussions about that one - you'll have to share your stories some time. I'm a shake-n-bake one myself, but my nurse told me that her brother the minister said it's technically not a "Christian burial." I kinda think God can figure it out, though. That all sounds sort of Old Testament-y to me.
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