Monday, August 26, 2013

I'm Published!!!!

Does anybody subscribe to Sew News? Well, I did for a year, then I let it go awhile, then I re-subscribed because they promised me a free CD of sewing projects, which arrived Friday. Well imagine my surprise when I was flipping through my first new issue last night and saw this:

Can you believe it? That's me! I sent it in before I let my subscription lapse last year. Now, to be honest, I don't think this is that funny, and it didn't really sound like me, so I went back to read my original blog post, which is attached below. I think it's a lot funnier like I originally wrote it, but they DO reserve the right to "edit for brevity and clarity." (I DID edit it for brevity and left out the part about talking to God, but whatever!)

For your convenience, and so you don't have to click a link, here's the original post, titled The Cruel Shorts:

Remember Steve Martin's short story The Cruel Shoes? I relived that recently with these shorts (minus the razor blades and bloody feet). I was trying to adjust the zipper length by cutting off the top. I read that you could do that then oversew the teeth to create a new zipper stop. I've never done that before, so I wanted to take it slow and only do one side. Unfortunately, I cut one side of the zipper then proceeded to put the shorts on to see how they were looking. (It's like I had a Mad Cow moment - I'm lucky I didn't wander out to the mailbox half-dressed.) I sort of forgot to sew the new zipper stop before I just zipped that zipper up. So what happens here is that the zipper pull is only on one track now, can you picture that? And that means you can't UNZIP the shorts, which means you can't GET OUT of the shorts, are you following me here?

So for the next 30 minutes or so, I'm sitting in my chair trying to thread the damn zipper pull back onto the teeth. (This may explain the early appearance of an old-lady hump on my upper back, that 30 minutes hunched over a broken zipper that I'm wearing.) I got it once but the teeth weren't matched evenly, so when I unzipped there was a big gap of teeth sticking out at the bottom. So I worked for another few minutes, talking to God VERY LOUDLY, and finally got the thing threaded back on correctly. Can you imagine how hard it is to evenly match the teeth? I'd like you to cut off one side of an old zipper and see if you can unzip yourself with zipper intact. I really think the only way to do this is to let God know VERY LOUDLY what you need to happen.

At any rate, I was thoroughly put out with these shorts after that stunt, so I finished them as quickly as possible and refused to sew on the belt loops and nice button closure that were called for. They're baggy shorts that aren't supposed to fit like that, and they don't deserve a nice finish. They got a stupid old hook and eye closure. That'll show them who's the boss...try and trap ME again, I don't THINK so!


Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how many times I've done that!!! So, now I don't cut off the excess zipper until the waistband is sewed on.

BeckyW said...

I've done that too. FRUSTRATING!!

I have to say that I got the Cruel Shoes reference. I think my favorite was "The Gift of the Maji Indian Giver".

Dr. Fun (AKA Sister) said...

Yes, Robbie, I tried that on my betzina jeans, then I stitched over it and broke my machine - arghhhhhh! Can't win for losing!

Dr. Fun (AKA Sister) said...

Becky, you're the first person I've met who read that book!!! I've got to buy it for my kids. I don't remember the Magi story, but I remember one about "the Temperamental Artists" ....about kids flushing their "artwork" - good stuff!

Sheila said...

Congratulations and the zipper post was hilarious. At least you were able to save them.

Dr. Fun (AKA Sister) said...

Thanks, Sheila! I actually do wear those shorts...just not in public.

Pam said...

Congratulations on your publication:) The zipper post is so true!!