Purpose of a Bra, Part 2

THIS is actually the purpose of a bra in my book (or on my chest). Forget all that lift and separate crap, or that support nonsense. My bra creates and projects! And by that, I mean it creates the illusion of brestesses and projects the notion that I am indeed a woman and not just a very cute man.

I have to thank Victoria's Secret for this wonder of science. So much cheaper than a breast augmentation, and virtually pain-free, the only drawback is that they do come off at night, and sometimes I have to ask, "Has anybody seen my boobs? I laid them right here!" But I simply look for the most voluptuous piece of clothing in the laundry hamper and there they are!

Lucas has even put my bra on and declared that he had boobs, but I'm pretty sure all teenagers do that at some point.....oh, he's 6 - just seeing if you were paying attention!

Now, this last picture is what can go wrong with fake boobage. I walked out of a patient's room several years ago and looked down to discover that my stethoscope had landed between my bra and myself when I put it around my neck! I'm hoping the family just thought that I had a creative place to store my stethoscope, a shelf if you will; a stethoscope cozy, as it were. That was near the beginning of my journey on the road to full-figured womanhood, and lessons had to be learned. Ah, but those are stories for another day....

The Dignity of a Dog

Now you tell me, but I think Jake would much rather waste away in Margaritaville than go look for buried treasure. But maybe he was just trying to strike a pirate-ly pose. Or maybe he was mad at the camera hogs on either side of him. But do please click on the picture and note the tiny hook for his left hand - you can't get cuter than that for only $4.08!

Purpose of a bra?

We were getting ready for Sunday School this morning and Lucas walked into my bathroom, where I had on my skirt and was picking out a shirt. He asked me what "those 2 white things were," (indicating my bra cups I guess, as nothing else that might be very pale was visible). I said "that's my bra."
He said, "What is that for anyway?"
I said, "You know, it's to hold your boobs."
He said, "But why do you need that? In case they're very long so they won't hang down like this and go boomba boomba boomba? Like that man we saw in Mimi's neighborhood who didn't have a shirt and his big belly was going boomba boomba boomba?"

Yes indeedy, to avoid the boomba boomba boomba; or in my case, the boomba boomba boomba.

Just a funny old picture

There's nothing to say, this just makes me laugh. Note how tightly Drew is holding Lucas's hand, though. Combined with the facial expression, I'd say Shadrach was not happy with Meshach!

Wonderful Wednesday

Yesterday was one of those deliriously happy days that happen every once in a while. I wrapped work up in time to pick up the boys from school, picked up both my watches from the lady at Sears (who was not the least bit bitchy and even cut up with me a little - must've been the nice twin), got a new toy for Jakey, and best of all.....SOLD MORE POPCORN!!!

As soon as we walked in the house Lucas asked if we could, and when I said okay, he yelled "YESSSSSSS!!!" They put on their uniforms (don't forget the hat!) and headed out. Drew skateboarded down into the cul-de-sac to hit up the guy who brings his little daughter around selling Girl Scout cookies every year. May I point out that I always buy 2 boxes from the precious child, who is too young to deliver a sales pitch so her daddy has to do it? Yet the guy told Drew he was in a great rush and proceeded to lay out his busy schedule, then bought the cheapest popcorn available. Did I mention the guy's a doctor? Did I mention they have a 3-story house? But I guess to be fair, I should also mention that this popcorn is the most expensive popcorn known to man, so I'll shut up with the petty comments! But you know, next time he comes around I think I'll dispense with making conversation at his daughter and tell him how busy my afternoon is, etc.

Anyway, back to the deliriously happy day - Lucas reached his goal of $300 (Coleman headlight, come to Papa!), Drew made a sale so he gets a prize at next week's meeting, and I met a new neighbor with a lovely Canadian accent who was surprised at how much the boys look like each other. You know, that's what can happen when you have the same baby daddy.

George's Gas

After pushing popcorn on unsuspecting neighbors, we were having a lovely dinner at Macaroni Grill when Lucas regaled us with a story about his friend, George. It seems that George expelled a little gas, quite audibly in fact, but failed to excuse himself to the class. Everybody hunched up their shoulders and giggled behind their hands, according to Lucas, and Mrs. Jordan made a very funny face. Lucas describes it thusly:

"Wight befoa she laughs, her eyes squeeze up like this [eyes squinting], but she didn't laugh, she just made a face."

Dean laughed heartily at that description, so Lucas decided to go for broke and embellish the story a tad, as his mother is wont to do so often:

"And latuh on, when I walked by the closet, I heard her in there going like this, [snorting sounds]." We didn't buy it.

Lucas did tell us that he told George , "I can't believe you didn't even excuse yourself!" which proves that we have succeeded in beating manners into these boys!

BOW's a-comin!

Oh boy, it's that time of year again - Becoming an Outdoor Woman. Wake the kids...call the neighbors! No, no, tell the kids to quit cryin' and close the curtains 'cause the neighbors have done called the po-lice! This is some kind of fun - just look at Elizabeth shootin' that gun with Huggin' Bear! He tells nothing but bad dumb blonde jokes at the campfire on Saturday nights, so we've begun boycotting that in favor of drinking....uh, I mean visiting with our fellow roommates over key lime pie martinis. This year there'll be karaoke in the cabin - wonder if we can charge admission? Maybe extort some money from the other cabins just to shut up and go to bed? Much more likely!

And looky-here - I'm a poster girl for the website. My proudest moment. Mother's too....I'm sure. She was just too choked up to tell me. I know, Mom, I know.