Another One Bites the Dust....Again

This time it was Jake's fault. I brought Max the neighbor dog over to play, and as soon as the gate swung open Jake ran out and jumped on Max. I yelled for them to come back and made the mistake of walking through the gate in front of them. I saw Jake barreling towards me and stepped to the left to get out of his way, but he went left too. Ka-boom! I was looking down and saw him take my legs right out from under me. Just as I was landing in a pile of dirt and leaves (what, no dog poo?) Drew exclaimed, "Oh! Are you o-KAY?" So sweet. I sustained 2 gouges on my left hand, a scrape on my right palm, and a crick in my neck that hasn't gone away yet. (I won't share what the dogs sustained for their behavior.)

Some people do yoga to stay flexible, but I think falling down is working fine for me.

Popcorn Mania

Lucas has been crazy about selling some popcorn again this year. He's got his sight set on a 2GB MP3 and video player, and by golly I think he'll make it! I needed a video camera to record how he runs in between houses to make the most of his time. Today we started with 9 blank lines on the order form that he wanted to fill up so he'd be eligible for a weekly drawing. He must've rung about 20 doorbells but he got 9 customers! Towards the end he was begging me to let him keep going till he filled up the order form. He'd make a sell, run back to the car to get a swig of Gatorade, then it was on to the next house.

At one intersection he wanted to take a right, but I told him there were only 2 houses in that direction. He said, "Mom, 2 houses could make it for me." When I suggested we head home he said, "Mom, the customers are waiting - let's keep going." At the next-to-last house he turned around and yelled, "Wish me luck!" I did, but then I saw the car pulling out of the garage. He saw it too and ran back to my car, then proceeded to move his mouth like he was talking to me through the window. That's when I realized the guy had pulled up next to my car so Lucas wanted to act like we were busy (just like his mother - sometimes I put my phone to my ear and pretend to talk so I don't have to make eye contact with someone - you know you've done it too).

Anyway, he crossed the street and made the final sale, proving that wishes don't work, but God is a fan of Cub Scouts.

Cougars 2009

We had the annual reunion of the college housemates here at the beach this year - what a blast! Six of us have been getting together for 14 years or so to drink wine, discuss our lives, and go shopping, but this year we went boating and 3 people actually skiied and tubed! (Take that, 42-year-old bones and joints....and then take 800 mg of ibuprofen.) We learned a lot about how active we can still be at 42, but the most important thing the other 5 ladies learned was a little term I picked up from Saturday Night Live. I used it to refer to my pink halter top (see previous post about my ho shirt), and was greeted by 5 people asking: "What's a cougar?"

I think this clip at Hulu says it all - hopefully they'll watch it as it will explain what I was trying to avoid at the restaurant Friday night. Our waiter was about 22 years old and grinning from ear-to-ear as he asked, "Are we partying tonight, ladies?" The implication was there: you chicks are cougars so I got a big tip coming if I play my cards right. Anyway, I'll see if my friends give me permission to post some pictures from our weekend - maybe some action shots of Anne's back spasming or Durema's knee giving out. That reminds me of my mom and Rexie having a ladies' vacation at the beach - they came back with pictures of Rexie with some sort of neck brace on and an ice pack on her head. They said she pulled a muscle, but was that really a hangover?

Of course, now that I'm the same age, I bet it was a cervical disc problem. So sad to fall apart when you still look so good!

The Cruel Shorts

Remember Steve Martin's short story The Cruel Shoes? I relived that recently with these shorts (minus the razor blades and bloody feet). I was trying to adjust the zipper length by cutting off the top. I read that you could do that then oversew the teeth to create a new zipper stop. I've never done that before, so I wanted to take it slow and only do one side. Unfortunately, I cut one side of the zipper then proceeded to put the shorts on to see how they were looking. (It's like I had a Mad Cow moment - I'm lucky I didn't wander out to the mailbox half-dressed.) I sort of forgot to sew the new zipper stop before I just zipped that zipper up. So what happens here is that the zipper pull is only on one track now, can you picture that? And that means you can't UNZIP the shorts, which means you can't GET OUT of the shorts, are you following me here?

So for the next 30 minutes or so, I'm sitting in my chair trying to thread the damn zipper pull back onto the teeth. (This may explain the early appearance of an old-lady hump on my upper back, that 30 minutes hunched over a broken zipper that I'm wearing.) I got it once but the teeth weren't matched evenly, so when I unzipped there was a big gap of teeth sticking out at the bottom. So I worked for another few minutes, talking to God VERY LOUDLY, and finally got the thing threaded back on correctly. Can you imagine how hard it is to evenly match the teeth? I'd like you to cut off one side of an old zipper and see if you can unzip yourself with zipper intact. I really think the only way to do this is to let God know VERY LOUDLY what you need to happen.

At any rate, I was thoroughly put out with these shorts after that stunt, so I finished them as quickly as possible and refused to sew on the belt loops and nice button closure that were called for. They're baggy shorts that aren't supposed to fit like that, and they don't deserve a nice finish. They got a stupid old hook and eye closure. That'll show them who's the boss...try and trap ME again, I don't THINK so!

TV Updates

So I talked to my brother and we got it all figured out:

Johnny Gage was my hottie on Emergency! and following the ambulance sounds in the opening there were squelches from the PA system - all sort of musical with a beat, huh! Scott even remembers how they signed off with the station when they were done with a call, but I forgot already.

On S.W.A.T. you had Deacon, or "Deke" as the black guy, and Hondo as the leader.

The father-son show I was trying to think of was Barnaby Jones, starring.....Buddy Ebsen. (Really? Jed Clampett in the rickety truck was Barnaby Jones???) Scott remembered that Lee Meriweather played his able female assistant, but we blanked on who the younger guy was. Wellllll, doggie!

And how could I forget Mod Squad? My first guess on their names was Jan, Luke, and Cornelius (probably thinking of Brady Bunch, The Rifleman [corrected from The Gunslinger], and Planet of the Apes). Scott aptly remembered that it was Julie, Link, and Peter. I don't remember much about that except the groovy clothes they wore - bell bottoms and headbands with psychedelic shirts and sunglasses. Just such the polar opposite of Michael Douglas and Karl Malden in Streets of San Francisco.

Well, thinking of old TV shows makes me feel better about the Mad Cow. Probably better than Sudoku, which I was doing religiously to stave off cerebral atrophy (brain rot). Next post, maybe we'll talk about shows we had to watch while staying with the grandparents - get ready for Lawrence Welk, Jimmy Swaggart's Gospel Hour, and The Grand Ole Opry. Good times, good times.....

We Watched Too Much TV

Adam-12 - Adam-12, see the man. Sounded like a Dick and Jane novel every week. "'Scuse me, I gotta go see a man...." Martin somebody was the blonde driver I think. Blanking on the partner - he had to be brunet (I think you spell it like that for a man - I could be wrong.) to fit the formula. Oh yeah - kind of a quiet guy, never said much. Seemed sort of dull to me. They improved on this formula with Emergency!

Emergency! This was my first big-time crush - the brunet smart-alecky guy - what was his name? Roy was his blonde partner, a little chubby. The really funny guy was Chet with the big mustache back at the station - he looked just like my cousin B.R. Maybe that show is why I wanted to be a doctor. That's the first time I heard the term "Ringer's," as in "I'm running a bag of Ringer's, Doc." Don't forget Dixie the sexy blonde nurse. They took a risk with an older woman, but it paid off - nurses always know more than the doctors and she was right up there with Dr. What's-his-name (mostly referred to as Doc), also a sexy black-haired guy. If he wasn't sure what to do, Dixie always had a suggestion. You know, she looked a lot like Angie Dickinson and had that same gravelly voice. There was definitely a formula for these shows. (The theme song started out with an ambulance sound: Weee......Wooo......Weee......Wooo.....that's all I remember.)

S.W.A.T. - Precursor to Hill Street Blues, I think. There was no formula here, just sexy men with all different hair colors. I don't even think there was a woman on the show. The only name I remember is Deluca, on whom I had a crush. He was Italian. Now was Adrian Zmed on this? I think I'm confusing it with T.J. Hooker (back to the formula). (By the way, here's the theme song phonetically and moving down the keyboard with each repeat: na-na-naaaaa, na-na-naaaa, na-na-naaaa, na-na-naaaaa, na-na-NA-NA! Now repeat in a higher key. Can you hear it?)

Some Old 70's Shows

I was thinking about police mysteries the other night. They were a far cry from CSI and these other crime shows where you see all the blood and gore.

McMillan and Wife - Sexy married couple solves mysteries - I can't remember exactly what kind. Guns were always involved, and lots of slinky tops and dresses plus high heels. It really seems like Rock Hudson was McMillan - that can't be right. He appeared on Carol Burnett sometimes. [News Flash: It WAS Rock Hudson - I googled it. Sister 1, Mad Cow 0] Also Susan St. James was the wife - I cheated and looked. I just remember her coming down the stairs in the intro - made me want to grow up and wear sexy black pantsuits (or glittery black tops).

McCloud - Yucky-looking Dennis Weaver rides down the street on a horse wearing a cowboy hat...Dennis, not the horse. His kind of high-pitched whiny voice and the over-large mustache turned me off to the show. But I do remember the intro music - not very good either. Nope, didn't really like that one.

Police Woman - Of course this was everyone's Dad's favorite show. Angie Dickinson - - Rrrrrrrroowwwww! Come to think of it, our family friend Rexie sort of looked like Angie Dickinson. At least in my Mad Cow-ridden brain, they blend together. (a Rexie-ism for my sister: Hey babe) Now Angie's boyfriend was also a little wimpy if I remember correctly - I didn't like him. When you think about it, they were kind of hard up for sexy male actors in the police-mystery genre. The next one proves my point.

Columbo - So squinty-eyed and short. Funny, though. Kind of like Gilligan's Island meets Ironsides - ooh! There's another one that we watched - Raymond Burr in a wheelchair in life-threatening situations every week - good stuff!

Rockford Files - The exception to the above rule. Not terribly good-looking, but just something about his attitude made James Garner good.

Now there was also something called Banacek that I vaguely remember, but it was tougher and grittier and came on later at night. Maybe we weren't supposed to watch that one. That guy looked like Al Pacino and probably used stronger language than McCloud. And there was something with an old guy and his son or his younger apprentice - blanking on that one. It wasn't Sanford & Son, and it wasn't Chico & the Man....I'll keep working on that one.

Another Shirt I Can't Wear Anywhere

Oh look! I used the same pattern from the purple shirt and made a fancy one out of glittery fabric, which drops glitter everywhere I go. Did I mention this cost $7, compared to similar glittery shirts that fancy stores sell for exorbitant sums of money? So if you see me at a Christmas party, this is what I'll be wearing (plus a little lipstick hopefully, and there'll be a pile of glitter around me; and if I hug you please forgive the glitter I'll leave on your outfit.)

And yes, that's a personalized tag my sister gave me years ago to put in all my clothes. That way if I give them away to the Goodwill someone can look me up in the phone book and call to complain about all the unfinished seams. Nice! But really, it did impress the hell out of my in-laws when they saw that.