Ba-Bye

Oh, look, I scared away my little Follower from Brazil :(

That's okay, I think he/she was up to no good - I checked out their blog and it was all about American movies with Spanish subtitles. It did have some good Latin music playing in the background - that was a nice touch. I'll have to see if I can do that here....

WHAT??????

Holy crap - what's that in the left-hand column?! A Follower! Oh my gosh - now there are 2 of them! Okay, Beth, you don't know what this means to me. My own brother and sister won't even register to leave comments, so the fact that you clicked the "follow" button is huge! I hope I can live up to the honor you have bestowed on me. And other follower, I don't know who you are or how you got here, but please enjoy the jokes about my bra. Really, I have no pride, go ahead. Anything for a laugh.

Scott and Tracey, no pressure on you people!

New Olympic Event?

I might call this "Stool Dancing" in the Olympics. Drew taught us the move of beating your fists in front of your chest with elbows out and Lucas took it a few steps further, which should get extra points for higher level of difficulty. I was wondering if he was going to stick the landing or fly off.

(Big) House of Cards

Who knew the fun you could have building houses of cards? But that CAN be fun; especially when you've been kicked off the computer, the DS, and the cartoon channel, and nobody will play with you. Here at the Dr. Fun Penitentiary for Wayward Boys we encourage self-reliance as well as manual dexterity, demonstrated quite well by Drew, our oldest inmate.....I mean son. (I think the fact that he could remove 2 cards from the bottom row indicates a need for more frequent vacuuming.)

And Lucas was proud to show off his house, but even more eager to demonstrate the fruits of his labor in the prison weightroom. Unfortunately, his tats washed off in the shower and his shank was confiscated when he was overheard saying, "Jake, don't you mess with my cards or I'll cut you!"

What did I Come in Here For?

Lucas threw another zinger at me last night. We were watching It's America, Charlie Brown, which is a real downer, since they show you how sick the Pilgrims got on the ship and you find out that only the 30 kids and 20 adults lived. Lucas kept saying, "Why do they look like they're going to thwow up?" (Maybe they should've called it, "It's Amebic Dysentery, Charlie Brown!") Anyway, he reminded me about something I should've known about apparently, and when I told him I didn't remember, he said, "You seem to be having a pwoblem with short tuhm memowy loss..."

(What the hell?????)

He said he learned that from Dory....you know, from Finding Nemo? When is the last time the kid watched that movie - like 3 years ago???? Show-off!

Dr. Pepper at 5 AM?

Okay, do you people remember breakfast at Mamaw's house? She'd wake us up around 5 AM and she'd fixed scrambled eggs (1 apiece, which was brown, non-runny, and crispy somehow - not like Momma's) with toast which was always sunken in with butter in the middle and a little burned around the edges (done in the oven, not the toaster oven like we had). And to top it off, a Dr. Pepper, icy cold! Oooh, that was such good stuff! And she had to go to work at the phone company in Birmingham, so she'd leave and we'd go back to bed after breakfast. Good times, good times.

But I have to ask - why did our parents leave us with her overnight when she had to work the next day? Did she work on weekends or did they just go out a hell of a lot????? Of course, they were in their 30's, so there you go.

Songs from the 70's

A couple of weeks ago Dean and I were in a gift shop and I heard the strains of "I got a brand new pair of roller skates..." I gasped and looked at Dean, who had heard the music and shot me a warning look immediately. That look says "Don't start singing or I'm walking out." (I get that look a lot.) I used to lie in bed at 404 and sing that song with the radio. Oh, and this was a favorite for a while - I loved me some Andy Gibb! Now I don't recognize anything about this song other than the chorus; don't know why it was so great.

There was also something called "Shadow Dancing," possibly by the Gibbs, that a girl at Shorter College used to re-enact (remember, that's when they sent me away in the 5th grade and I only lasted 3 or 4 days out of 2 weeks). I think her name was Frannie and we called her the "Shadow Dancer," so maybe that wasn't the name of a song, just that she danced to the Gibbs' music behind opaque glass walls in the cafeteria, and finally got caught. Yes, apparently that was against the rules. Now it's a very popular thing to do in clubs at Vegas......I'm told......I've certainly never seen it for myself.....why would you think that?......please stop looking at me now.

And while I was talking to Scott one day, he said, "Remember this one?" On his radio, somehow (must be satellite), was "Billy don't be a hero." I had to belt it out since the only person around was Lucas, who understands that sometimes Mom needs to sing rather loudly. "Billy don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife. And as he started to go....I said Billy keep your head low-oh-ho, Billy don't be a hero; come back to me...." I asked Scott if he was impressed I knew the words. He said he had a headache from my being behind his radio by a couple of seconds due to the cell phone delay.

I think Tracey's really the only one who can appreciate my singing. Right, Tracey? Hey, right Tracey? Uh, Tracey?

Practice Makes Perfect......NOT!

Okay, so I was planning to re-enact some of the Coldplay concert that we saw last week in Atlanta (complete with paper butterflies), but I needed to practice first. I planned to enlist Drew's help as videographer and Lucas's as butterfly-thrower.

But what I discovered on these dry runs is that there's something wrong with my face. Everybody has always told me you can read me like a book - every emotion shows on my face. I finally understand what they're talking about. I also understand that I can never be taken seriously as a performer with all the nostril-twitches and eyebrow antics. Every time I hit a wrong note with my hand, it traveled up to my brain and sparked a facial tic.

Who's read Blink? Here're the 5,000 combinations of facial expressions he talks about. He talks about one video of Cato Caelin (sp?) on the stand at OJ's trial where he's talking to the lawyer and looks like he's growling at her in one freeze frame. I found some odd expressions in these freeze frames and had no idea I was doing them.

Another freaky thing is to see if you can sync them all up so you have a trio - NICE!!!

Oldies but Goodies, Part 2

Oh yes, now it's YOUR turn! Hey Scott, the 80's called and they want their Izod knockoff back. (Oh, wait, this is from the 80's.)

There he runs; there he goes, boogadad boogadad......and he ain't wearin' no clothes....It was too late for Tracey, she'd done been in-censed!

Aren't underwater cameras fun? Not too much in the way of striking poses, but fun nonetheless. And dear Tracey....I don't remember how her audition for Kabuki theater turned out.

Also, now I know where Drew gets a little of his messiness. I thought I was the perfect child, but what is all that CRAP on my dresser??? And look at old Sherry Nell. How old were you in this picture, about 29? Just wait, sister, I've got a MUCH better picture coming shortly!

From the Mind of Lucas

We passed a cemetery today and Lucas asked me if they put you in a box when you die, or what else can they do with you. I briefly explained coffins and cremation, and he asked me to please not burn him up because he doesn't want for people not to be able to see him anymore. Drew told him nobody sees you when you're in a coffin except graverobbers (thanks, Drew). Lucas said if we dug Pappy up what would he look like, and couldn't we pick him up and carry him back home if we wanted to?

He also is going to change his name when he turns 18......to Dry Bones. Apparently that's a character in Mario Kart. He asked me today if I thought Dry Bones Henry Batten sounded better than Dry Bones Yoshi Batten. Apparently Yoshi is another character, but not as fast as Dry Bones. Drew handled the rest of that conversation, pointing out that with 2 first names you don't need the middle name.

After conversations like these, don't I deserve a little drinky-poo tonight???? You betcha!

Before & After

Yes, of course Lucas lost interest in helping me with the tree after about 10 minutes. And to be honest, it's not much fun unwrapping wires till your fingers bleed....(maybe I exaggerate).

Oh, but isn't she a thing of retro beauty? Who knew the purple balls would go with the paint!!!

Remember that tree Momma and Daddy had when we lived in 406? Same damn thang! Just as perty! JUST AS PERTY!!!

First one to email me with the movie title wins!

New Link for SNL video

This one's currently working, though they cut out some lines and spliced in her real video. Scroll down to see video.

Gettin' Low

There's nothin' like a good dance party, and Low is a pretty good dance song (if you overlook the verse that talks about the pole in her livin' room). These boys have pretty good moves (one's got a little better rhythm than the other, but I'm not sayin' who). You'll have to watch this video 3 times: the first time your eye will naturally be drawn to the biggest bootie on the flo', the 2nd time you should concentrate on Drew's technique, and the 3rd time check out Lucas's stylings. He likes to take it face down during the chorus. Drew demonstrates strong quads at that point. I think we could've all made it on MTV's TRL.....uh, there at the end where the ratings were down.

Get up and go have a dance party of your own - there's no bettah fun!!!

P.S. For a better dance video - check out Saturday Night Live's parody of Beyonce's video for Single Ladies with Justin Timberlake - HILARIOUS!!!!!!! This was the best SNL of the year!

Oldies but Goodies, Part 1

Comments from top left down then top right down:
1. Yes, Momma, I think white hose with a white dress and white shoes is beautiful! And here are some blue bows to put on my shoes and tie in the blue belt around my ribcage. Now why don't I have any dates?

2. Who's that boy with the bowl cut sitting next to Janet?

3. "I have a cat, her name is Kitty. She is a stray, but she's real pretty.
She's got black fur and a white tummy tummy. Like I said, she's really yummy.
She jumps on my bed almost every night. She likes to play and she likes to fight.
I forget the rest of that song - anyone? Repeat the chorus.

4. Drew thought my braces were "ugly." So did everybody else apparently.

5. Lookin' good, sexy girl!

6. Scott's first day driving us to school after procuring driver's license. Why didn't the cops pull him over - he looks 9!

BRRRRRRR!

The campout was a success according to the boys. Their mother isn't so sure. But let's be fair, it depends on what you call successful.

Lucas helped me put up our tent. Drew put up his own tent. My new queen-size extra tall airbed did, in fact, fit inside the tent (although I relived a childbirth experience in getting said airbed into the tent) and did not deflate overnight. We ended up eating our grilled sausage-dogs inside due to the Alabama game going into overtime and the Florida game starting shortly thereafter. The boys roasted marshmallows over the gas burner of the grill and we had delicious s'mores.

Lucas and I retired to our tent early with several books to read (none scary) and Deanie even brought us out a bowl of popcorn to enjoy, while he and Drew watched the Florida game inside. Once it was sure to be a whitewashing for the Commodores, Drew retired to his tent with Jakey, who was a-might skittish about being zipped up in the tent again. It took 3 tries for Dean to keep him in the tent while he zipped it up! Then the boys went to sleep and I set about the task of keeping Lucas in a sleeping bag lest he freeze to death.

That task went on all night. At some point I decided that if he was sound asleep, he couldn't be freezing to death, so I tried to sleep myself, but I WAS freezing to death. Plus Lucas kept rolling onto my head and we ended up very close to the open screen door of the tent, where the winds of the Arctic tundra entered. (I had left it open to keep an eye on Drew and Jake, good mother that I am.)

At some point in the wee hours, I was ready to throw in the towel. I figured Jake must be miserable and I should put him in his kennel inside, so I whispered to Drew to see if he was ready to go in, but he was dead asleep in his 20-below sleeping bag Mimi and Mr. Jim gave him. Lucas was also dead asleep (somehow still ending up completely outside his sleeping bag every 30 minutes) until some point around 7AM when he reportedly had a little accident that initially warmed him up, but then made him very cold. When I sat up and looked over at Drew's tent, Jake was sitting and looking at me through the screen just a-shiverin. Poor baby.

So I stayed in my long johns most of the day and have been ready to go to bed since I showered and got dressed. On the plus side, Dean had breakfast waiting for us when we trudged in. (And why not, since he got to sleep in the cushy warm comfort of our warm toasty bed!)

Oh the Fun $1.50 Can Buy!

Remember how I said it's the simple things that make Lucas happy? Well, true to form, he found a Whoopee cushion at the bookstore yesterday and as it was the only thing he could afford, he had to have it. Once I showed him how to inflate it, we were all treated to a symphony of GI distress, a veritable cacophany of gaseous melodies. Colonic strains issued forth from the backseat as we ran errands; so true to life that I had to ask him to refrain from playing his new instrument while in parking lots with our windows down. He spent the rest of the day perfecting his craft, fine-tuning it, experimenting with differing amounts of air and various amounts of pressure applied to the cushion, all to achieve the most sublime sounds possible.

Please enjoy the concert. And above all, "DO NOT...go in there!!!!"

Christmas Wishes

I was thinking last night about what Lucas asks for for Christmas every year. From the time he could talk, he's asked for a "big wed suckah." Every single year except this year. And every single year, Santa has brought him a big sucker, maybe not red. The one from last year is still in the pantry on a shelf unopened (maybe I can recycle that).

And for the past 4 years Santa has also brought pajamas with feet in them. Now ordinarily a kid would be heartbroken that one of their Santa gifts was clothes, but Lucas has always loved his warm soft pajamas, and he told me the other night that he sure wished Santa would bring him some new footie-pajamas like he got a couple of years ago. (I had to make him quit wearing last year's footies because his toes were curling under and he couldn't stand up straight when fully zipped. Underestimated his size, din'cha Santa?) It's the simple things in life that make Lucas happy. He said if Santa didn't bring them, could Daddy and I maybe get him some?

Oh, yes, sweet angel Lucas, Santa sure can bring you some warm fuzzy footed pajamas for your precious little body. 'Cause there's free shipping from Land's End until November 11!

Are Ya' Ready for Some Campin'???

This is Drew's new 2-man tent. He's now ready for the Boy Scout Shooting Campout on November 22. I'm not. It's one thing for Momma to go to BOW and blow a shotgun, but I don't know about my baby doin' it. Anyway, he had to put this together by himself last night as a dry run for our campout tomorrow night in the backyard.

Yes, they were supposed to go on a county-wide Cub Scout campout at the Battleship this weekend with Dean, but who's got early Alzheimer's and mis-read the date? I don't know - I've got Alzheimer's! So that was tonight, and neither of us could take them tonight, so the consolation prize is the backyard with Mom again tomorrow night - woohoo! We did this in the summer and what fun! Sweating to death, not a breeze to be had, but we did read a scary story by flashlight and, really, that's all you need.

So I'm trying to pick out the scary story tonight (is a Stephen King shorty too intense for Lucas?) and tomorrow we'll shop for s'mores supplies. Then we'll set up camp, roast hotdogs and s'mores over the gas grill, and force Jake to sleep in the tent with Drew. (I don't think the panic on Jake's face at being zipped into a tent conveyed very well in the picture.) More pictures to follow!

Rockin' It All Night Long!!!

We gave Drew an actual real guitar amplifier for his birthday, at the urging of his guitar teacher, who didn't think my Walmart karaoke machine was a very good alternative (I beg to differ). It has all the bells and whistles, tremolos and phasers, etc., etc. Most importantly, he picked up the guitar this afternoon without my telling him it was practice time! Now if Momma and Daddy had had an amplifier for the piano when we were growing up, I don't think Scott would've gotten that severe beating when he was 9, and I might not have hyperventilated before big recitals!

Live and learn....

Poor Man's Paintball

We had fun shopping with Drew's gift cards today. He got Ninja Gaden for the DS at Gamestop thanks to Aunt Tracey and Uncle Joe, and a 2-man tent and this Nerf game at Academy Sports thanks to Aunt Beth and Uncle Scott. The Ninja game is awesome I hear, but the Nerf game makes for more engaging video. Lucas was thrilled that it was a 2-person game and he actually got invited to play. Drew said this would be like paintball without the pain. Lucas proceeded to shoot Drew in the face from 2 feet away with a Velcro-covered dart. So much for painless....

Birthday Boy Passes out at Paintball Party

So Drew loved his paintball party so much he fainted! They had done one 10 minute gig and came out to discuss who got hit where, and who was hiding behind what bush, etc. (fascinating, really), and shortly after embarking on the 2nd adventure Drew told Dean he was sick, then proceeded to swoon in his arms.

He was chalky white with a virtually nonexistent pulse, but after about 30 minutes of being sprayed with water and lying in reverse Trendelenberg (or was that Trendelenberg?), he felt like a new man, ready for action. Enjoy the 2 clips - 1 is only 30 seconds and demonstrates the stealth of Drew (in the light blue shirt) and Liam (who is tall in the dark green shirt); the other is 1.5 minutes but shows the strategy employed by the team taking the fort.

Okay,so just enjoy the one clip, because the other one took too long to load - so sorry!

Halloween!

Well, here are the initial pictures from Halloween at the office. There should be more later when somebody emails me some pictures, since I forgot my camera. These were made after the patients left. Don't we have fun decorating the rooms!!!!! This year was "Disney movies" in case you didn't get the underlying theme. Don't forget to click on the picture to get the full effect of black nail polish, which I rather enjoyed wearing! I'm thinking about a lip piercing next.....